Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
