I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
