Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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