Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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