i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
