why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
