We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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