new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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