Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
