you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
