i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize