LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
