I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
