You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
