Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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