I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
