u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
