I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize