I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
