you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You have to summon your inner elephant
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
