Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
