every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize