my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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