Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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