At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
