i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize