ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
