I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
