with your own penis?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
