a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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