She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
