I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
