I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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