just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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