Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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