He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
