TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
