that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
