I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
