My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
