his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
