I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
