if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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