How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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