i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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