weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Say something about gay babies.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
