if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
