I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
