ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
