the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
