Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
