This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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