I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i will never coherently bang her
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
