PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
