I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
