Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
