Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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