just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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