hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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