I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
