I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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