Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
