apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize