I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
