eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
