I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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