Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Mom said you looked used
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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