porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
