every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
