yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
