***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
