For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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