I wish I could punch you in the face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
